Welcome one, welcome all to this rollicking new week. The cosmic choreography will keep us square dancing as most days this week the caller's voice constantly crackles over the celestial microphone.

My old boss used to remark that the problem with having your head stuck up your arse* is that only one of your senses is working. Yes, wisdom of dinosaurs but a salient observation nonetheless. As we chewed over yesterday and the day before that on this page, April is built on revisiting old scenarios or past mistakes whilst being agitated and niggled on most fronts.

Righto everyone, back in your corner of Meltdown City. Time out of the cray. Take a moment to stop, sigh deeply and sit the fuq down. Yes the current astrofuquery / soup de jour is loaded. Brimming with the hairy potential to make us go off like a packet of crackers.

The next few days should rightly have been circled in blood on that calendar of Kittens Doing Things you received from Secret Santa. Pourquoi? Grab a vat of something to stop thy head spinning and pull up a pew. The Church of Latter Day Sanity Saving is in sesh. With the Sun, Mercury, Venus and Uranus in Aries the mood has seriously fired up.

For the next few days Mars and Chiron dance again in a capoeira style face off at the tail end of Pisces. All too soon Chiron will be joining the Aries party, having ideally prepared us for the ram's playing field by drowning us in our unresolved merde for eight years. Bless.

This is an official Astrofuckery Alert. Further to my last post exhorting us all to do nothing under this lunar peak may I introduce today's cautionary tale.